Christmas Day 2014 beheld the 2nd best Christmas present I've ever received. The #1 present, of course, was when my amazing husband proposed to me on Christmas Day 2011. However, this Christmas, my gift was a positive pregnancy test on Christmas day! Finally, after months of trying with no success, that second line appeared! That day was full of excitement. As excited as we were, we decided not to inform any family or friends until after we heard/saw that heartbeat. I'm not going to lie. Not telling anyone has been EXTREMELY difficult thus far! However, I know that it will be best considering how difficult it was to tell our family and closest friends that we had lost the first baby. I hope that our families understand why we waited to tell them instead of jumping the gun again. Making this blog, however, is helping with the anxiousness of wanting to tell someone. Because, although I'm not actually telling anyone about this blog yet, I get to write it out, so it feels like I'm telling someone.
I have officially taken 27 pregnancy tests, and I have 1 more handy to take the day before my first doctor's appointment, just to be on the extra safe side. I took those tests daily to every other day just to make sure that the line was getting darker. Thankfully it was. I called and scheduled my first appointment, which will be on February 6th. I'll be 9 weeks and 3 days along with an estimated due date of September 8th. They sent me for blood work the weekend that I scheduled my appointment. My progesterone level was within a normal range and my HCG level was 251 and then 72 hours later was 1,529. Which is great (the numbers should at least double within 48-72 hours), however the biggest factor with a MISSED miscarriage, that I had last pregnancy, is a chromosomal abnormality Neither of those 2 tests will give us insight into another chromosome problem. But for now, at least, I know that everything else is going well.
Although I am very happy, it's hard to get overly excited when you are also trying to prepare yourself for horrible news again. Some women only ever have one miscarriage and never have another, others try and try and try and lose each and every single one. I also have a history of thinking negatively.. which I actually think is quite logical. If I remain negative, and something positive happens, then it's time for a celebration! However, if I think positively, and something negative happens, my whole world falls apart. Yes, I may be over analyzing things.. but I'd rather be prepared for the worst. Since week 5 I haven't actually "felt pregnant"... it's hard to describe what I mean by that. Sure, I'm tired, nauseous at times and super hungry.. but I just have this feeling that I have an empty womb.. Last time around, I held my belly and talked to it, as if that little bean could actually hear me. Now, I'm just trying to get through my daily routine while hurdling obstacles of exhaustion, nausea and hunger. (I'm not even ashamed that I was asleep for more hours on Sunday than I was awake AND I was on call.) So, as far as I'm concerned, until I hear or see that heartbeat, I'm not getting my hopes up. Here's to hoping that in 2 weeks I'll be writing a great update and letting our family and friends in on our little secret!
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